Life...

In today's devotional that I'm reading, the title reads --"Influence: Uniquely You." Here is how it starts:

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Have you thought about all the events that led up to this moment in your life -- why you're here, how you've been shaped, what caused you to read this or seek God's plans for your life? Have you wondered how much of it is accidental or random and how much is designed?

I believe God knew exactly where you would be right now and exactly what you would be like. He knew about your passions and gifts and the platform you have. in fact, I believe He was very  purposeful in designing your life. He made you to be uniquely significant and to have an eternal impact on the world around you. 

Let that sink in.

God was very intentional about your design, your opportunities and your purpose. Thank Him and look for ways to use what He has given you in the best way possible

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Honestly, I don't know how to believe that all the events that led up to this exact moment are designed, purposeful and intentional. Shutting out the emotions the past few months have been 'easy' but now when I'm forced to stare truth face to face... It's honestly more than I can bear. The amount of change and suddenness of how things have happened are shocking! And because of that, I don't know how to truly say and believe that each event was purposeful. Were they the right choices, or things that were necessary at that time, or just my mistakes..?

At that point of needing to make those decisions, there was clarity... A sureness of what it was that I needed to do. But now that everything has settled down a little, I begin to wonder if those were decisions that had to be made just at that point of time, or I got it half right, or maybe I got it completely wrong!

And now, I really don't know what to do. What does the future hold for me..? The dreams I had, the person I was, and would become... I miss that. Yes, I don't deny the fact that I've grown in the past 9 months. But at the same time, does that justify throwing away who I was and the dreams that I had as well? Sometimes it feels that God has made me grow 5 steps ahead just to throw me 10 steps behind. And it is so very confusing...

Well, come to think about it, there is nothing much I can do. I have made those decisions. Mistake or not, I am bearing the consequences right now. I'm really so confused and wish that God would just tell me right now if this is indeed His plan and will for my life. But I know my Lord, and He doesn't work that way. It will be revealed in His time..His way.

So all I can do is pray for strength and mercy to travel this hard and bleak road ahead...

The journey...

A friend posted the song "Gravity" by Sarah Bareilles on my FB page today. It was a song that clearly depicted my life and the situation I was in at one point in time. With the opening chords of the song, I'm "forced" to stop, turn back and ponder at my journey thus far.

After more than 23 years walking down this road, I think I'm slowly getting a hang of things. I'm not saying I'm perfect and I've learnt everything I need to learn. No, I'm not. What I'm saying is that I'm slowly starting to feel comfortable with who I am and to love the life that God has carved out for me. My journey might not be as tragic as others’ but that doesn’t discount the fact that I have had a crazy, bumpy ride. But God has led me through many storms, guiding my every step and carrying me when I could walk no more. Now looking back, I see it so clearly and I thank Him for every hardship that I had to go through.

The sound of the strings fading out marks the end of the song, and I'm brought back to where I am today. Slowly, I take a deep breath, look around and soak it all in. My path is still the same but my surroundings are not like what they used to be. I’m a different person, at a different point in life, in a different country and with different people. But the storms are still there – finding a good home and car; trusting God with finances; how I struggled to fit in and find good friends; constantly reminding myself to surrender my future into God’s hands; and now believing for healing and a miracle in Mom’s life.

I take a deep breath once more, but this time with my eyes closed. I feel Him… I feel His strong arms surrounding me. I feel safe, secure and at ease. My Father is still with me and never once has He left my side. I take a moment to draw strength from Him because I know I’m going to need it. With a final squeeze, I pull away from my Father’s embrace. He holds out His hand and I take it. As I look ahead, I see the storm approaching.

I feel my Father’s grip on my hand tighten and I know it’s time to resume my journey. But at the same time, I feel gravity holding my feet down. What do I do? What should I do? The answer is as clear as day. I cling on to the Master’s hand, gather up all the strength that I have within me… and take the first step forward. And with that very step rooted in faith and determination, I know with all my heart, no matter how hard the winds blow… I will continue walking forward!

I'm leaving on a jetplane

This week has been crazy much! Suddenly realized that there’s so much to do before I leave. It’s 2am, Sunday and I’m leaving on Monday at 1.40pm. In the middle of packing and I don’t know what to pack and what not to pack! Hahaha… =)

Finally feeling a bit more excited about this trip. Before this, I had too many things to do and to think about. One thing that I’m really looking forward to in this trip is getting to spend some time with God. He always feels much closer when I’m away from home. And this time I’ll be away for 7 weeks. So yea, am excited about that. It has been awhile since we’ve had time away from the norm and I really hope that we will have an awesome time together!

Nothing much has changed from my last post. Things are just as uncertain as they were before. Some doors have closed, which eliminates some of my worries. So that’s good. Right now, I’m travelling the road which I’ve chosen and I’m still waiting to see where it will lead me to. Waiting to discover my destination is rather scary, but I’m trying my very best to enjoy the journey and to grow as much as I can.

I think it’s safe to say that I love where I am right now. I feel more alive than I’ve been in the past 5 years! And my aim in the next 5 years: to remain in the center of God’s will. Coz I know that is the safest place to be in.

Into Your hands I commit again

All I am for You, Lord

You hold my world in the palm of Your hands

And I am Yours forever

I’ll walk with You wherever You go

Through tears and joy I’ll trust in You

And I will live in all of Your ways

And Your promises forever

Jesus I believe in You

Jesus I belong to You

You’re the reason that I live

The reason that I sing with all I am

Guess who's back...

So many things have been happening that I don’t even know where to start. One moment I’m dreading uni life and the next, I’ve already completed my degree! Now I’m working as music teacher and part-time clerk/receptionist at Klavier Music Centre.

Things have changed so much in my life. I’m happy now. Not that I wasn’t before. But somehow, I’m happy with the way things are right now. Sure, I miss uni, my lecturers and my friends. I miss the freedom I had being away from home! =P But all in all, I love the way things are right now. Being comfortable in my own skin, feeling more confident of myself, loving my job and the people I work with… I am happy!

But just as I’m beginning to get used to the current routine, it’s all gonna change in a week’s time! I’ll be 23, jobless, and on a long holiday in Melbourne! Ahhhh… the emotions and thoughts that are running thru my whole system, they’re just so confusing. I’m gonna miss teaching so much. I love love love love love teaching. My students are smart, bright and so adorable! It has been an honour for me to be able to start off their musical journey with them. My only regret is that I won’t be able to be there with them, to guide them, to learn from them and to watch them grow.

If given a choice, I think I would prefer to let things remain the way they are right now. If you know me, you would know that I don’t like change very much. Plus, there are too many uncertainties involving my future. Too much to explain here, I guess. I know I should trust that God will take care of things. I know He will take care of me! But still, at times it feels like a bus comin towards you at full speed and there’s nothing u can do about it but stare >.<

I guess there is too much to say in just one post. Where I am right now kinda reminds me of the poem by Robert Frost.

THE ROAD NOT TRAVELED

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

Anyways, hopefully I’ll be back again sometime soon. Maybe I’ll have more time during my 2 months holiday in Melbourne! Till then…

Much much love,

aNn

How Can We Walk Thru Life's Rain With You?

Devotional by Holley Gerth

I wish I had a big red umbrella that would keep all the rain out of your life. I would hold it over your head and the drops would splash, splash and you would never even feel them.

But I don't have a big red umbrella...so I'll walk through the rain with you.

God doesn't intend for us to go through our storms alone. We all need our "foul weather friends" who will venture out into the weather with us.

There are two questions we must answer to not only survive but thrive through life's storms;

Who will walk through the rain with us? And will we let them?

Friends love through all kinds of weather. Proverbs 17:17 MSG

To my dear dear friends out there, I'll walk thru the rain with you... xoxo

It's an honour....

Yesterday Mom, Dad, Kor and I went to visit Uncle Lee Hood Tuan who has cancer n is bed-ridden. We have been plannin to visit him as a family for sometime, but other things came up and we never got to actually go...till yesterday.

I was really looking forward to go as I have not seen Uncle Lee for quite sometime, especially since he was bed-ridden. He wasn't as thin and as weak as I thought he would be. And he told us that he was actually feeling more tired than usual. So that's good.

We sang a couple of songs and daddy read a portion of scripture. Sang Amazing Grace - uncle's favourite song =/ Had Holy Communion. I sang No Greater Love. Even though my voice sucked (it's damaged! =( sighhhh.. ) I sang with all I had wanting to bless uncle as much as I could... but in the end, I was the one being blessed and encouraged instead...

Uncle was so positive the whole time. Never once did he complain. Even when he was telling us about how painful it would be when Aunty Lee bathes and cleans him up, there was never a hint of bitterness or malice in his voice. and I love to hear him call aunty... he calls her "Mamma"... hehe... =) so sweet eh? >.<

Seeing uncle face death and his remaining days here on earth filled with pain, makes me realize how small and petty my problems are. What are mine compared to his? They're nothing! And yet, uncle is filled with more joy and hope. To me, it's like whatever ady lar.. but for uncle, there is perseverance and determination. Blows my mind...

I recall uncle thanking us again and again for coming to see him. But in actual fact, it was an honour for me to be able to know such a wonderful man who lived life to the fullest and now is just eager to meet his Creator and Master... Thank you Uncle Lee...

Baking Baking Baking!!!

Hi all,

I've been busy baking baking baking! And I'm having so much fun! So far, I've received 9 orders and delivered 3! Stil waiting for more to come in... So yea, do keep it coming!!! =D hehehe...

Here are some pics of what has been happening...



Shortbread! Sorry for the ugly deco! hahahhaa... =D



Becks and i baking... hahahhaa... the pic of me is blurrrrrr... >.<


Brownies!! =) absolutely delish!!! =D



Blueberry cheesecake!


There have been some updates in the list. More to come. Stay tuned!!! Here's the new list:

Blueberry Cake
Orange Poppy Seed Cake
Chocolate Cake
Brownies
Chilled Blueberry Cheesecake
Chilled Peach Cheesecake
Baked Coffee Cheesecake
Baked Lemon Cheesecake
Cookies - Shortbread


hehehe, that's all for now... till then... =)

aNn's Mini Baking Business

yeaaaa... u heard that right!!! I've officially started my Mini Baking Business to collect funds to buy my new camera... I lost my camera in the cinema while watching MJ... shucks ler... hahahaa.... >.<

So anyway, here are the few kinds of cakes I'm making. Hopefully more varieties will be added soon =)

1. Blueberry Cake
2. Orange Poppy Seed Cake
3. Chocolate Chip Cake
4. Brownies
5. Chilled Blueberry Cheesecake
6. Baked Coffee Cheesecake
7. Baked Lemon Cheesecake
8. Cookies (great as Christmas gifts!)

So yea peeps! Place your orders right now!!! email me at jcbeliever@gmail.com



Lots of love! =)