The journey...

A friend posted the song "Gravity" by Sarah Bareilles on my FB page today. It was a song that clearly depicted my life and the situation I was in at one point in time. With the opening chords of the song, I'm "forced" to stop, turn back and ponder at my journey thus far.

After more than 23 years walking down this road, I think I'm slowly getting a hang of things. I'm not saying I'm perfect and I've learnt everything I need to learn. No, I'm not. What I'm saying is that I'm slowly starting to feel comfortable with who I am and to love the life that God has carved out for me. My journey might not be as tragic as others’ but that doesn’t discount the fact that I have had a crazy, bumpy ride. But God has led me through many storms, guiding my every step and carrying me when I could walk no more. Now looking back, I see it so clearly and I thank Him for every hardship that I had to go through.

The sound of the strings fading out marks the end of the song, and I'm brought back to where I am today. Slowly, I take a deep breath, look around and soak it all in. My path is still the same but my surroundings are not like what they used to be. I’m a different person, at a different point in life, in a different country and with different people. But the storms are still there – finding a good home and car; trusting God with finances; how I struggled to fit in and find good friends; constantly reminding myself to surrender my future into God’s hands; and now believing for healing and a miracle in Mom’s life.

I take a deep breath once more, but this time with my eyes closed. I feel Him… I feel His strong arms surrounding me. I feel safe, secure and at ease. My Father is still with me and never once has He left my side. I take a moment to draw strength from Him because I know I’m going to need it. With a final squeeze, I pull away from my Father’s embrace. He holds out His hand and I take it. As I look ahead, I see the storm approaching.

I feel my Father’s grip on my hand tighten and I know it’s time to resume my journey. But at the same time, I feel gravity holding my feet down. What do I do? What should I do? The answer is as clear as day. I cling on to the Master’s hand, gather up all the strength that I have within me… and take the first step forward. And with that very step rooted in faith and determination, I know with all my heart, no matter how hard the winds blow… I will continue walking forward!

I'm leaving on a jetplane

This week has been crazy much! Suddenly realized that there’s so much to do before I leave. It’s 2am, Sunday and I’m leaving on Monday at 1.40pm. In the middle of packing and I don’t know what to pack and what not to pack! Hahaha… =)

Finally feeling a bit more excited about this trip. Before this, I had too many things to do and to think about. One thing that I’m really looking forward to in this trip is getting to spend some time with God. He always feels much closer when I’m away from home. And this time I’ll be away for 7 weeks. So yea, am excited about that. It has been awhile since we’ve had time away from the norm and I really hope that we will have an awesome time together!

Nothing much has changed from my last post. Things are just as uncertain as they were before. Some doors have closed, which eliminates some of my worries. So that’s good. Right now, I’m travelling the road which I’ve chosen and I’m still waiting to see where it will lead me to. Waiting to discover my destination is rather scary, but I’m trying my very best to enjoy the journey and to grow as much as I can.

I think it’s safe to say that I love where I am right now. I feel more alive than I’ve been in the past 5 years! And my aim in the next 5 years: to remain in the center of God’s will. Coz I know that is the safest place to be in.

Into Your hands I commit again

All I am for You, Lord

You hold my world in the palm of Your hands

And I am Yours forever

I’ll walk with You wherever You go

Through tears and joy I’ll trust in You

And I will live in all of Your ways

And Your promises forever

Jesus I believe in You

Jesus I belong to You

You’re the reason that I live

The reason that I sing with all I am

It's an honour....

Yesterday Mom, Dad, Kor and I went to visit Uncle Lee Hood Tuan who has cancer n is bed-ridden. We have been plannin to visit him as a family for sometime, but other things came up and we never got to actually go...till yesterday.

I was really looking forward to go as I have not seen Uncle Lee for quite sometime, especially since he was bed-ridden. He wasn't as thin and as weak as I thought he would be. And he told us that he was actually feeling more tired than usual. So that's good.

We sang a couple of songs and daddy read a portion of scripture. Sang Amazing Grace - uncle's favourite song =/ Had Holy Communion. I sang No Greater Love. Even though my voice sucked (it's damaged! =( sighhhh.. ) I sang with all I had wanting to bless uncle as much as I could... but in the end, I was the one being blessed and encouraged instead...

Uncle was so positive the whole time. Never once did he complain. Even when he was telling us about how painful it would be when Aunty Lee bathes and cleans him up, there was never a hint of bitterness or malice in his voice. and I love to hear him call aunty... he calls her "Mamma"... hehe... =) so sweet eh? >.<

Seeing uncle face death and his remaining days here on earth filled with pain, makes me realize how small and petty my problems are. What are mine compared to his? They're nothing! And yet, uncle is filled with more joy and hope. To me, it's like whatever ady lar.. but for uncle, there is perseverance and determination. Blows my mind...

I recall uncle thanking us again and again for coming to see him. But in actual fact, it was an honour for me to be able to know such a wonderful man who lived life to the fullest and now is just eager to meet his Creator and Master... Thank you Uncle Lee...

Baking Baking Baking!!!

Hi all,

I've been busy baking baking baking! And I'm having so much fun! So far, I've received 9 orders and delivered 3! Stil waiting for more to come in... So yea, do keep it coming!!! =D hehehe...

Here are some pics of what has been happening...



Shortbread! Sorry for the ugly deco! hahahhaa... =D



Becks and i baking... hahahhaa... the pic of me is blurrrrrr... >.<


Brownies!! =) absolutely delish!!! =D



Blueberry cheesecake!


There have been some updates in the list. More to come. Stay tuned!!! Here's the new list:

Blueberry Cake
Orange Poppy Seed Cake
Chocolate Cake
Brownies
Chilled Blueberry Cheesecake
Chilled Peach Cheesecake
Baked Coffee Cheesecake
Baked Lemon Cheesecake
Cookies - Shortbread


hehehe, that's all for now... till then... =)

aNn's Mini Baking Business

yeaaaa... u heard that right!!! I've officially started my Mini Baking Business to collect funds to buy my new camera... I lost my camera in the cinema while watching MJ... shucks ler... hahahaa.... >.<

So anyway, here are the few kinds of cakes I'm making. Hopefully more varieties will be added soon =)

1. Blueberry Cake
2. Orange Poppy Seed Cake
3. Chocolate Chip Cake
4. Brownies
5. Chilled Blueberry Cheesecake
6. Baked Coffee Cheesecake
7. Baked Lemon Cheesecake
8. Cookies (great as Christmas gifts!)

So yea peeps! Place your orders right now!!! email me at jcbeliever@gmail.com



Lots of love! =)

Shopping Spreeeeeeee!!!! =D

ahhhhhh........... Today Rain, Yvonne and I went shopping at Sg. Wang and Times Square. hahaha... and I ended up buying quite a lot of baju... aiyo aiyo... hahaha...

well, in the 1st place, we weren't even suppose to be in KL today. Rain and Yvonne already planned to come down to Seremban today and spend the night there. THEN... the School of Music just had to arrange for a Masterclass tomorrow. So, we had to cancel our Seremban trip and instead, we went to Sg. Wang! haha...

had lunch, walked around, bought stuff... watched Angels & Demons... walked again... had dinner, the walked more.... bought even more... hahaha... =D

oh well... my money was well spent, i think......... =D haha... mommy's gonna kill me.... eeeeeeeeeekkkzzzzzzz...... hahaha! =P

but in the end, we had a good time together. hehe, throughout the day, when we wanted to do something out of the ordinary, we would remind ourselves that this is our last sem living together... so we gotta do it! hehehe... awww... gonna miss my housies so muchhh... =(

but thanks, RAIN and YVONNE, for the awesome time today...

these are what i bought (excluding a bag) - with me posing and my housies as my photographers =)

Dress: RM 25.00

Top: RM27.90



Dress: RM 25.00

Top: RM 24.90

Sweater: RM15.90

EXAMS!!!!

yeaaa... am in the middle of exams rite now... can't wait for next week to b over! then i'll b on 2 wks break! wheeeee.... so yea, a cute thingie i found online! hehehe... enjoy! =)


Love Myspace Graphics / Myspace Quotes | Layouts | Build Muscle

this week....

Futurism

hehe updates on what happened this week....

compared to last week, it has been a rather relaxing week. coz I've completed my mock teaching, Advanced Musicology (AMus) Project I as well as my recital... so the beginning of this week was FUN! not needing to do anything! haha... well, it was short lived! by tuesday, I found out I was assigned to Dr. Jeff's class for AMus Project II. and his topic was Modernism and Futurism! arghhh... Futurism is a crazy era where ppl were pro war, technology, destruction of museums and libraries and stuff like that lar! In class that day, he gave us a whole stack of articles and told us we better start reading them that afternoon itself. hahaha... i tried reading but it was tooooo deep man! haha... literally had to sit infront of the computer to check the dictionary like so many times!

Yesterday (Wednesday) I went for my first MPO concert ever. hahahaha... paiseh paiseh!!! aiyo... =P went with Rain and Yvonne. Alice, Zhi Wen and Lisa were performing! When we reached there, we saw that Johan, Melissa (i think that's her name!), Karen, Winston and Teressa there as well. Overall, it was fun! There was this performance where this dude came n play using 2 spoons and a teacup! hehe... super cute. he so reminds me of Johan la! hehehe...

After the concert, Yvonne went back home. So Rain and i went for dinner in Nando's and happened to end up at the same place wid Alice and the gang. So we joined them for dinner and i had a pleasant time with them! =)

Today, I can't go home coz tmr's there's Masterclass. Adil and his band will b performing the masterclass. so, it's not too bad lar.... but really wanted to go home early this week! so yea, today i'm like free the whole day!!! no classes at all... supposed to b reading my articles on Futurism but i'm procrastinating! hahaha...

am really looking forward to this weekend! =)

i did some shopping today....

I made an impromptu visit to Midvalley this evening! hehe... my friends were telling me abt the J-Card member sales and that it was HUGE!!!! But today was the final day!!! so I quickly called sarah and asked her whether she's free tonite to meet up at Midvalley. And she said yes! haha... so after class at 5, i took a cab then the KTM to Midvalley. while waiting for the train to arrive, I met Miss Daisy (my psychology lecturer) and her hubby. After talking to her for awhile, I found out that she was going to Midvalley for the Jusco sales as well! hahhaa...


I wasn't prepared for what I was about to see in Jusco. It was PACKED!!!! so many people were there. It felt like I was at the pasar malam! There were sales attendees who were holding loudspeakers and shouting stuff like "Mari, mari, mari... happy hour! extra 10% off... 5 more minutes, 5 more minutes!" goodnessssss.... it was crazy! I walked a bit, didn't really feel like looking at stuff coz there was just too many people around. Finally saw a pair of shoes I really like and bought it!

Price: RM41.95
Gift Voucher: RM40.00
Amount Paid: RM1.95

Sarah texted me and said that she was gonna be late coz it was raining and it was jammed downtown. So i decided to go to MPH to get some books as i had some gift vouchers from christmas. After much thought, I decided to get a set of 3 books by Jane Green.

Price: RM 65.95
Gift Voucher: RM40.00
Amount Paid: 25.95

Sarah was quite late... so I searched for a book to read while waiting for her. Grabbed a book by Cecilia Ahern (author of P.S. I Love You) entitled Thanks For the Memories. managed to read like a quarter of the book before Sarah arrived. I kinda like the book... really tempted to buy it! But I didn't. maybe I'll go back to Seremban and get it.... tee-hee-hee!


Before dinner, Sarah and I headed to Sasa to get my eyeliner, which I thought wasn't available in the Malaysian market. But I found it! Yay! It's by PUPA and it's a bit pricy... BUT... it's re-aaaaa-lly good coz it doesn't smudge even if I have it on the whole day! =)

Price: RM44.10

So after getting all my stuff, we headed to The Gardens and had dinner at this place called Cova. Had this fish dish with mashies! Yummy!!! after that Edmund came along and joined us. sat down and talked till almost 12am. then Sarah sent me home.... =)

I'm really glad I had this impromptu thing this evening. Really glad to be able to meet up wid Sarah... haven't seen her in such a long time. When we were talking just now, we realised that we didn't even see each other the whole of last year! how is that possible...? hehe... anyways... thanks Sarah for an AWESOME evening... love u lots! =)

horrific crash in cheras... death in Seremban...

for rain, yvonne n i, yesterday started off like any other day. we woke up and were preparing for Masterclass at 10. at around 9.30 i was in my room gettin ready, rain was in hers and yvonne was bathing. suddenly there was a commotion in rain's room. i rushed out to see what happened. she asked me to look out her room to the main road. there was an accident! she said she heard a loud bang!

cars started to pile up and there were lots of people standing at the sidewalk looking to see what happened. we knew that it was a really bad accident but couldn't really see much as Giant was blockin most of our view. abt 10 mins later the ambulance arrived. we cudn't see much after that as we had to go to school.

after masterclass at around 12.20pm, we caught a cab to go to the train station. traffic was still heavy. we could see a squashed lorry and car. but we didn't know what happened. today, since dad's in US, we don't have newspaper! hehe... so i decided to go to The Star Online. and it wasn't hard to find the article on this accident. it was right at the top of the main page. and this is what is says:

Two killed in highway horror

By STEVEN DANIEL

KUALA LUMPUR: Two people were killed after a 10-tonne lorry rammed into seven vehicles on the Cheras-Kajang Highway yesterday.

One of the victims of the horrific crash, Kpl Mohd Nuh Ali, 48, was a bomb squad specialist.

The lorry driver, who also died in the 9.30am crash near Taman Connaught, Cheras, here yesterday, was identified as Kang Ban Hin, 50.

Crash aftermath: Damaged vehicles and debris at the scene of a horrific accident on the Cheras-Kajang Highway Friday after a 10-tonne lorry rammed into seven vehicles, killing two people and injuring several others, five of them critically. The 9.30am accident caused a massive traffic jam. — ABDUL RAHMAN SENIN / The Star

Kuala Lumpur deputy traffic police chief DSP Ng Fook Long said six people were also injured in the crash.

“They have all been admitted to the Hospital Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia in Cheras and are in serious condition,” he added.

It is learnt that five of the injured were in critical condition.

Grim task: Firemen and passers-by helping a victim getting out of a vehicle during the crash in Kuala Lumpur Friday. — Picture courtesy of Murali Sundareson

DSP Ng said that the lorry, carrying boulders, was turning into the Kajang-Cheras Highway from the Middle Ring Road 2, when Kang was believed to have lost control of the vehicle before smashing into a motorcycle, three cars, a van and an MPV.

Mohd Nuh was riding his motorcycle to work with the General Operation Force unit in Cheras when the lorry hit him before jumping the divider and crashing into oncoming vehicles on the highway.

The father of three, who had spent many years in the force putting his life at risk defusing bombs mainly during training exercises, died on the spot.

Eyewitnesses described the scene of the accident as “horrific.”

“I saw the lorry coming down quite fast without the signal light on as I overtook it on my motorcycle. Seconds later, I heard a loud crash.

“To my horror, as I turned around to look, I saw the lorry smashing into several vehicles,” said Naresh Kumar, 28, an engineer.

He said he immediately called the police. Others at the scene claimed at least three other vehicles were damaged.

Kamarul Aizan, 33, whose Perodua Kancil was among the vehicles damaged in the accident, said he was just “seconds away from death”.

“I was heading towards Bandar Tasik Selatan when suddenly the lorry came out of nowhere in front of me and ploughed into a Kelisa. I might have been about three seconds behind the car.

“My car suffered some damage but thankfully I escaped unharmed,” he said.

The accident caused a massive traffic jam that lasted almost three hours as police and Fire Department officials cleared debris from the road and motorists slowed down to look at the accident.

The bodies of Mohd Nuh and Kang were taken to Hospital Kuala Lumpur for autopsy.

the massive jam caused by this accident:

today while i was with fiona n larrisa, they told me that they heard someone died in seremban town. they said it came out in the newspaper. and here it is....

Popular deejay’s son found drowned

SEREMBAN: The son of a popular NegeriFM deejay was found drowned at an abandoned project site next to Seremban Square near here on Thursday night.

Mohd Khalil Kamaruddin, 21, was believed to have fallen into a pool at the project site. His body was recovered by Fire and Rescue Department personnel at 10.45pm, about two hours after he had fallen in.

Mohd Khalil is the son of deejay Kamaruddin Kassim, better known as Papa Din.

District police chief Asst Comm Saiful Azly Kamaruddin said preliminary investigations showed there was no foul play.

Mohd Khalil’s friend Mohd Solihin Zakaria, 24, said he last saw the victim at about 8pm.

“He came to my cabin near the square at about 4pm and slept for more than two hours.

“A short while later, he told me that he felt like going to Port Dickson for a swim. I told him that I did not feel like going.

“He then left his wallet and mobile phone in the cabin and went away,” he said.

Mohd Solihin said that when he heard Mohd Khalil had jumped into the pool, he followed suit but could not find him.

“I came back up and asked several workers to help me but they too could not find him.”

if you read the 2nd paragraph, it says that he fell "into a pool at the project site." but in actual fact, it's not even a pool!!! it is an abandoned shopping mall project! they dug up the ground to build an underground parking area, and during the economy downturn, the project was abandoned. as years went by, this underground parking area began to "takung" water and now they officially call it a pool!!! what is this lar.... shudn't something be done about this?? how can they just leave it for years like that... i heard they're even rearing fish in there.... ??? and the new Dataran Seremban is next to that so-called-pool!

gosh, why is the government wasting money building a dataran seremban in the middle of nowhere??? cudn't they use the money to cover up that "pool"???

i'm lost for words.......

Not so horrible after all...

Well, for those of you who didn’t know, I had dengue…. AGAIN!!! Been trying to blog on this but internet connection has been super crappy these few days. Hehe… anyway, this is what happened:

Thurs 12/6

PM

Was feeling really tired. Eyes were really dry while watching tv.

Suddenly realized one side of my right eye was red! Took our contacts and went to bed

Fri 13/6

AM

Woke up feeling really horrible with back aches and headache.

Forced myself to go for Masterclass. It was a violin masterclass. Boring.

Everyone was sleeping. But I couldn’t coz my back hurt too much

By the end of the class I was feverish and really uncomfortable.

Took a train home and went to bed.

PM

Started to feel worse so dad said he’ll take me to see Dr. Tan after dinner.

Dr. Tan said it was a viral infection but asked me to come back to him if situation persists till Monday.

He was afraid it would be dengue

Sat 14/6

Felt better. No more aches and fever.

Just felt hot the whole day.

So, kept myself in aircond rooms the whole day

Stopped taking my meds

Sun 15/6

Went to church.

Hmmm, I forgot what I felt that day.

I think tummy wasn’t too good.

But overall I was fine

Mon 16/6

Dad sent me back to Cheras. Started to feel horrible again

Fever returned. Resumed my medication

Slept through the whole day. Skipped all classes

Tues 17/6

AM

Fever subsided.

Felt extremely hot the whole day. Kept sweating uncontrollably.

Decided to go home to Seremban with dad after his meeting

I had to go for Chamber Music Ensemble coaching in school in the afternoon.

Forced myself out of bed and went to school

Was feeling really bad by the time I reached there

On the way back to the condo, felt dizzy and nauseas

PM

Went home to Seremban

Couldn’t see Dr. Tan coz he was on leave

Wed 18/6

AM

Went to Dr. Tan’s at 10.

He asked me to go take a blood test from the Pathlab in town

Kor sent me there. Took the blood test and headed home

On the way home, dad called and said that Dr. Tan says I needed to be admitted….. DENGUE!!!

My blood count was 70 000. A normal person’s is 150 000

At first I didn’t feel anything. Just went home, told mom and started to pack

While packing, it just hit me… and I started to cry! Hahaha…

After lunch, dad sent me to the hospital. They had to put me on drip.

They poked a needle on my left hand. Blood came out!

Then the nurse said, “oh tak boleh lah. Tukar tangan” (oh, cannot. Change hands)

And it was like super duper painful when she took the needle out!!!

Now it’s blue-black! See:

Brought me to the ward. 6B. It was PACKED!!!

So they just dumped me in the middle of the walkway at the end of the ward.

I didn’t even have a proper bed. It was those beds that they use to transfer a person from one place to the other! Hahha…

Dad and kor came to bring me dinner and I asked kor to take a pic of me being sesat. But he didn’t really take it at a good angle where u can see me being sesat lar…

But anyways, u can see me behind me is the exit door. So yea…

PM

They finally gave me my own bed! Hehe… was still crowded.

But at least I had my bed! =)

Wasn’t used to the drip. Felt really uncomfortable.

Tried to read my Bible but couldn’t coz the drip would stop or it would start bleeding

Couldn’t sleep that night

It was too hot, too uncomfortable, too noisy

Josh was there to talk to me. Forced me to try to sleep

Finally slept at abt 2.30 or 3.00

Nurses woke me up at 5.20 to take my blood pressure!!! Far out!!!

Visitors today: Uncle Guru, Aunty Lily, Dad and kor

Thurs 19/6

AM

Blood count results for the day before dropped to 65 000

At around 8, the MO came to do his rounds. Told me if my blood count went up today then he would let me go home tomorrow morning!

Started to get used to the drip

Was able to get quite a lot of reading done today

Slept again after that

Eunice came in the afternoon to bring me lunch

PM

By evening, I couldn’t stand it any longer. I just had to BATHE!!! Hahha… brought the irritating drip along with me to the bathroom. Somehow, I managed to bathe and wash my hair! Ahhhhh…. Bliss….

After that, I started to feel rather depressed. Dunno why…

When Anne came, I straight away cried! HAHAHA…

I guess I really shocked her! (did I, anne???)

After that a whole bunch of people came to visit me.

Thank you so much everyone. It was really encouraging to see all of u =)

That night I was feeling more depressed

But Mom and Dad continued to encourage me and kept pushing me to trust in God

Continued to read my Bible to draw strength from God

Felt really weak that night – spiritually and emotionally

Really wanted to have faith and trust in God that the next day I would be able to go home…

But I didn’t want to get my hopes up as well…

“Oh ye of little faith…”

But I kept praying anyway

Slept well today…

Visitors today: Eunice, Aunty Chris, Aunty Julie Khoo and 2 frens, Uncle Eddy, Aunty Yoke Chan, Anne, Uncle Guru, Uncle Frankie, Aunty Juliet, Philip, Esther, Judith, Dad and kor

Fri 19/6

Nurses woke me up at 5.30 again. Went back to sleep

Woke up at abt 8.30 and the doctor in charge of me was next to me going thru my file. Asked me normal stuff…

I asked him whether I can be discharged today

He said depends on the MO and my blood count

He told me if my blood count goes up today then I might be able to go home

I called Mom and asked her to pray coz I knew the MO would arrive soon to do his rounds. Mom told me not to worry. She said that God told her I’ll be out today

So I prayed really hard as well while waiting for the MO to do his rounds

Finally he reached my bed…

Talked to the housemen a bit…

Then finally he asked me…

“Are you ready to go home?”

And I was like “YES!”

Hahaha…

Thank you Jesus!!!!!!!!

So he told me that he was gonna let me go home but I would need to take another blood test in 1 week’s time

At the moment my blood count was 83 000

So it was rising!

I still had to wait for all the paper work to be done before I could go home

Finally, I reached home at abt 4pm

It felt great to be home!!!

Aaron and Josh came to visit me later that evening

And I was able to go to cell =D

Really wanna thank God for His protection and healing. Thank God that my blood count didn’t drop so low and I didn’t bleed at all.

Really grateful for my Mom and Dad and brother who cared and prayed so hard for me. Love u mommy and daddy and kor! =)

Thanks Josh and Sarah for teman-ing me when I was lonely, depressed and couldn’t sleep. Thank you for helping me get through this… =D

Thank you all for sms-ing, praying and visiting me in the hospital… your presence there has been a great encouragement to me…

Rain n Yvonne… thank you for taking care of me when I was in Cheras…

Am also grateful for really nice nurses who have been helpful and kind throughout my stay there. Also wanna thank Dr. See who was in charge of me while I was there. Thanks for making those blood-drawing moments more manageable! Haha… I don’t want anymore!!! =P

So yea, it wasn’t a horrible experience after all. It was kinda bad while going through it. But, looking back now… God has been there with me… every step of the way… and He saw me through… =)

You are forever in my life

You see me through the seasons

Cover me with your hand

And lead me in your righteousness

And I look to you

And I wait on you

I’ll sing to you, Lord

A hymn of love

For your faithfulness to me

I’m carried in everlasting arms

You’ll never let me go

Through it all…